When you're in the midst of passionate love affair leading to marriage, it's easy to dismiss your partner's more irritating habits.

They don't put the lid down? Not a problem, they just forgot, you tell yourself. They appear to be a total slob? It's because they're single, you fondly imagine. They seem to overspend their money every month and not care? They just need to be shown how to budget, you reassure yourself.

I won't worry, they'll change once we get married, you think - if you even think about it at all. But guess what? You got married and they didn't change! They are still the money spending slob they were before you married them. Uh-oh, you kissed a frog and there's no prince in sight! It's time to wake up from the fairytale!

Levity aside, what do you do if you find yourself married to someone whose daily habits drive you insane? First of all, try to remember that nagging them to stop or fighting about it will get you nowhere. Second of all, remind yourself what it was about your spouse that you fell in love to begin with. Thirdly, sit down and talk to them about the goals you want to achieve as a couple.

And last but not least, memorize this mantra: the only person you can change in this scenario is yourself.

One of the easier ways to do this is to set guidelines - for yourself, not your partner. For example, if you think you do too much housework, take a moment to reflect on your standards. Could you easily be the head housekeeper at Buckingham Palace? Do the sheets really need to be ironed? What I'm saying is, maybe you need to soften your expectations a little. If you're sick of being the boss, then quit! Sit down and talk to your other half about who is going to do what chore. If you hate mopping but don't mind vacuuming, then make a deal to that effect! But if having ironed sheets is the only thing that helps you sleep better at night, then you might have to resign yourself to doing the ironing....or hire a maid!

Marriage is all about negotiation and compromise and setting goals together can really smooth the way to a better one.

Reflect on the areas of your relationship you would like to see an improvement in. Please avoid listing things they "do wrong" - that's not reflecting, that's blaming. Instead, try to have an idea of how YOU can be better, and be prepared to hear the harsh truth of ways you irritate THEM.

It's also a good idea to have something concrete to offer. Instead of just saying, "I wish you would help more around the house" which is very vague and easily mis-interpreted, you could suggest something specific like, "I will do the cooking if you will wash the dishes". Or "I will give the kids a bath if you put them to bed". Although I have used housekeeping as a prime example of marital conflict, the list of potentially explosive elements in any marriage is endless.

Only you and your other half know what those issues are for you as a couple. However, if you take the time to talk about them, make goals and act on them, you might find your frog starting to look more like the prince - or princess - you always wanted.