Ok, this is a continuation of the How To Stop Fighting With Your Spouse article. Since that article was published the amount of feedback I have gotten has been great, a lot of folks appear to be making headway with what we discussed there.

The most common question we have heard is "Where do we start?" so I'm going to cover that here.

First off, does your spouse feel the same way you do about fighting? Does your spouse want to end the fighting and arguing? If so skip down to the next section-Getting Started.

If you're still reading this, then I'm guessing you haven't talked to your spouse about trying to end the fighting and arguing, or they simply don't respond or seem to only know how to communicate with arguing and fighting. So what do you do then?

Tell your spouse you don't want to fight anymore, or tell them you want to learn to communicate without the fighting because it's only hurting your marriage. Give them a few days to think about what you've said, if they don't want to respond right away. Encourage your spouse but don't nag them about it.


Getting Started

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First ask your spouse to read the previous article and this one as well, so they will have an idea of what you're talking about, if they don't want to take the time to read it online print it out for them and ask them to read it....leave a copy in the bathroom...

After reading these two articles, sit down together and make the decision to end the fighting because you want a better marriage. Now what?

Now we get into the "meat of the bear" so to speak. Let me be very clear about something here, you must be completely honest with yourself and your spouse if you want to make progress here, and you must respect how each other feels and understand that this can be difficult. Keeping this in mind, you're ready to start having a better marriage.

• Each of you make a list of the top 5 things you personally feel you argue about the most - Compare these to see where you agree with each other(no pun intended).

Now, take the things on your list that match and circle them to come back to later - then each of you take turns choosing an item from your spouses list and ask them to explain how you can better understand why they feel so strongly about that particular item that it creates a fight or argument.

Go through your list here and cover everything that you didn't already circle before. Remember not to invalidate how your spouse feels about a particular item; these are things they feel most strongly about and you must respect that and not start a fight about it. Listen to what each other has to say and hear them, you want them to do the same for you!

The objective here is for each of you to change your reactions by knowing how your spouse feels about something and respecting those feelings, even though you disagree. If you respect each others feelings, you should be able to express that disagreement in ways other than arguing or fighting.

Now that you have a better understanding of why your spouse feels the way they do, and what they think you can do to respect those feelings, it's time to move on to the things you both agree that you argue about and do the same thing here that you did with the others on the list.

Keep in mind that you may never agree on some things, and that's OK - as long as you respect how your spouse feels about them. Normally with arguments the point for one person isn't so much to be right as it is to feel accepted and respected. If you make a point to make your spouse feel that way when these issues come up, even if you don't agree, things will go a lot smoother.

Read our Ideals and learn how to take care of each others needs to really understand how this all works, there is no 1 stop solution to a better marriage but the ideals we express will put you on the road to having a better marriage.

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